


Mirror, Mirror on the Floor

by ArtsyGirl



Series: When The Wardes Come [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Crying, Denial, F/M, Feels, Gen, Ruins, Tears, joining the wardens, mirror
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-27
Updated: 2018-07-27
Packaged: 2019-06-17 03:10:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15452073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArtsyGirl/pseuds/ArtsyGirl
Summary: There is ringing in my head, warm hands, tender and quickened heartrate of another. Then there’s the blissful darkness and no ringing of ears. After darkness light shines and a voice is mumbling. Feeling shaking of shoulders and a man with hair on his face and dark skin talking to me about something then nothing…This work is put on hold. One day it will be continued.





	Mirror, Mirror on the Floor

**Author's Note:**

> "Mirror, mirror on the wall, I'll always get up after I fall. And Whether I run, walk or have to crawl, I'll set my goals, and achieve them all."- Chris Butler

Mirror, mirror on the floor  
There is ringing in my head, warm hands, tender and quickened heartrate of another. Then there’s the blissful darkness and no ringing of ears. After darkness light shines and a voice is mumbling. Feeling shaking of shoulders and a man with hair on his face and dark skin talking to me about something then nothing…  
  
I wake with a headache in a dark place. A tent? Looking around I can spot my armor placed neatly next to me, not thrown. I decide to get geared up and go outside to understand why I’m here, to see what is going on. When exiting the tent my eyes are used to the dark and the sun burns my eyes worsening the headache. I squint my eyes and begin to massage my temples for the headache to lessen.  
  
A familiar voice greets me “Aneth ara Mahariel. You’ve finally woken. How are you feeling?”  
  
It’s the keeper and I’m in the clan. How did I get here? Last thing I remember is the mirror and burning white light in an explosion. “I’m fine, just have a little headache, but where is Tamlen?”  
  
I study the Keeper’s face; she seems to be worried and relieved, her big eyes show some strange emotion I’ve never seen before- is it fear? “A human Grey Warden saw you in the forest, at the mouth of a cave, and brought you here slung over his shoulder. He looked around of course but he didn’t see any trace of Tamlen. You were lucky to be found.” Wait what a human? A Grey Warden? Tamlen is missing?! My hands drop to my sides as I realize that the strange emotion on the Keeper’s face isn’t fear- it’s worry - Tamlen, she worries about him. I worry about him! “Are you looking for him?”  
  
“Most of the hunters are out looking for Tamlen, da’len.”  
  
The memories are coming back to me: the mirror, humans, my sweet Tam-Tam and something I needed to tell him. I mumble “So stubborn. I told it’s a bad idea to listen to those humans, a worse idea to go into that cave and the worst to play with strange mirrors.”  
  
Keeper places a hand on my shoulder and asks “What mirror?”  
  
I close my eyes to block out the sunlight ad to focus on what happened as I begin to explain the events that occurred “There was this cave, that felt wrong, filled with spiders and the undead, Tamlen said that the dead were moving because of the Veil being thin. There were many traps and in one of the rooms there was this beautiful mirror with bronze frame with elvish engravings that stood between two old statues. Tamlen said he saw something moving inside the mirror. At first I didn’t believe him but then I saw it- it really moved. And before I could stop him Tam touched the looking glass- his eyes turned white and he couldn’t let go. He said the mirror showed him something, some places, monsters and then there was an explosion of white light.” I feel someone taking a hold of my hands. When I open my eyes I can see it’s the Keeper and that I’m shaking. She is trying to calm me.  
  
Keeper nods “You are safe now da’len.” She lets go of my hands and looks to me if, I’m better. I nod and she continues speaking “That sounds interesting but now we have to focus on finding Tamlen. When you were found you were in a bad state and I had to use old magic to heal you. Tamlen may need help too. Are you well enough, da’len, to show the way to that cave? Without your help we cannot find it in time.”  
  
“Absolutely Keeper, I’ll do anything to find him.”  
  
****  
  
Before showing the way to the ruins I was told to bring Merrill and then even Fenarel said that he is coming with me, Tamlen was his friend too. So this is the merry band I’m leading to some cave-ruins to find Tam-Tam.  
  
We enter the ruins: me Merrill and Fenarel. I can see them looking at me weirdly with a look of sad puppy dog eyes. They pity me when there’s no need for pity because we will find him and all will be good again. They just don’t have enough faith.  
  
I and Fen keep watch when Mer looks around the place. She takes a closer look at the engravings on the walls, the embellishments that once made the whole room seem grand and expensive, that now have crumbled and can be barely made out from the rest of the rubble. She finally speaks “So there are the ruins? Interesting. They are definitely of human origin. Yet elven artifacts are scattered amongst them. Nothing explains the monsters though. But we must find Tamlen- or what’s left of him. I can’t imagine he’s still alive with all those creatures about.”  
  
Her words: what’s left of him strike like an arrow into my heart. How can she say anything like that? The three of us are, were…are best friends! “Don’t talk like that! You don’t know.”  
  
She hastily apologizes without the apology reaching her eyes “You’re right. We should explore further before I go about my fears. I’m sorry.” She has already written him off as dead in her mind. How can she be so cold, how can she so hastily discard him?  
  
We go about in the ruins. Mer is always wondering off, admiring the place, trying to find old elven artifacts. She has always been like that - the one who wonders around and forgets all what she is supposed to be focusing on. Even now when going through different rooms I’ve had to haul her ass away from stumbling onto the strange monsters that I suspect are these darkspawn the Keeper has talked about. She is not trained in the ways of close combat, of the way of swords and shields, like I and Tam and Fenarel have been. She is good support though with her magic.  
Right now I’m thankful for the dark monsters, for the forgetfulness of Merrill and the very few words spoken between us. Because that lets me focus less on worrying; less on giving up hope. At least being disappointed and angry keep the bad thoughts somewhat at bay.  
  
Finally we make it to the strange statue of my patron god that Merrill HAS to take a closer look at. She comes to the same conclusion that Tam-Tam did that the statue is of elven origin and it depicts Falon’Din. While Mer is still admiring the statue I hear some combat that seems to come behind a door near it, the door to the frigging room with the blasted mirror. I glance towards Fenarel and he seems to have heard it too. We leave Mer behind and open it. In the mirror room several dead bodies of the shorter darkspawn monsters and a shemlen man wearing sturdy grey armor who is sheading he’s swords can be seen  
.  
The man spots us instantly. He seems to be relieved and even smiles a little “So you were the ones fighting darkspawn. I thought I heard combat.” He looks at me strangely there is genuine surprise in he’s voice. “Wait… You’re the elf I found wandering the forest, aren’t you? I’m surprised you have recovered.”  
  
I connect the dots the dark skinned man with hair on his face is the same person who tried to wake me, who tried to talk to me. He is the human who brought me back to camp. “If you heard the fighting, why didn’t you help?”  
  
“I would have, had I not been battling them myself. Not all the kills here were yours, as you see.” that would explain the few dead bodies we encountered on our way to here. The shem slightly bows with his head. “My name is Duncan, and it is a pleasure to finally meet you. The last time we spoke, you were barely conscious.”  
  
Before I can answer Merrill enters the room and greets the human with her usual cheery voice, like nothing is wrong with the situation at hand. “Andaran atish’an, Duncan of the Grey Wardens. I am Merrill, the Keeper’s apprentice.”  
  
Then Fen speaks up too, he seems to be weary unlike Mer over there. “And I’m Fenarel. Did you… come here alone, human? Battling all those creatures?”  
  
Yes though I must admit, you took a great deal of pressure off me. Your Keeper didn’t send you after me, did she? I told her I would be in no danger.”  
  
Does he truly think we are here for him? The Keeper must not have told him about the other missing hunter, Tamlen. “No she didn’t. We were looking for our brother Tamlen. He and I came exploring here and he is still lost.”  
  
He seems to be thinking out loud. “So you and your friend Tamlen both entered this cave? And you saw this mirror?”  
  
He’s name being mentioned by this Dunkan human sparks hope in me. “You found some trace of Tamlen?”  
  
“No, nor do I think I will.” That was a harsh answer, something he seems to believe in. He must have seen the doubt in me because he then begins to explain. “The Grey Wardens have seen artifacts like this mirror here before; it is Tevinter in origin, use for communication. Over time some of them simply…break. It’s what made you sick- and Tamlen too, I presume.”  
  
Mirrors that make people sick. I knew something was wrong with it. It is common knowledge not to go around touching old magical artifacts- he just should have listened to me from the beginning. “If this mirror made us sick then we need to take it to the Keeper, so she could study it, perhaps it has some answers about the sickness, about Tamlen.”  
  
The Duncan Warden’s voice is kind and warm even though the subject is not. “Didn’t you wonder why the darkspawn are in this cave? It is because they are drawn to the mirror. Do you want to lead them to your clan?” I don’t I truly don’t.  
  
Merrill’s eyes are fixated on the mirror. Then she looks at the Duncan Warden with her ‘I know what I’m doing face’. “I do not fear this sickness nor these monsters carrying it. The Keeper can cure it and we can drive off these monsters.”  
  
“The recovery of your friend here is only temporary.” He looks at me and frowns. “I can sense the sickness in you, and it’s spreading. Look inside yourself and you will see.” Look inside myself? That is nonsense. I feel a bit weaker but that is because stress, because of worry. I’ve been sick before and disease doesn’t go over fully in a few days, it takes time.  
  
Fenarel comments “You do look rather pale Nel, now even more so than before.”  
  
Merrill places a hand on my shoulder. “He is right. You seem to be getting worse. I just didn’t want to believe it. I think you should listen to him.”  
  
Now my friends are turning against me. Just a moment ago Merrill was certain the illness could be cured and now she suggests that I’m not well. How could she change her mind so fast? What do they know? But what if there is a grain of truth to it? What if I am getting worse? “I… when what you all seem to be saying is true then what should I do?”  
  
The Duncan Warden draws he’s sword. “First we deal with the mirror. Its presence is a threat.”  
  
Duncan Warden hits the mirror with the pommel of he’s sword in one swift strike and the same familiar white flash, like the one before when fills the room and a cold wave of energy follows it. The mirror crumbles into many shiny silver shards on the floor just like a regular looking glass, reflecting, shining not infecting or making people sick. Just like normal looking glass…  
  
“It is done. Now let’s leave this cursed place. I must speak with the Keeper immediately regarding your cure.” The Duncan warden heads for the door.  
  
I haven’t still gotten an answer about Tam-Tam. What is going to happen to him? “What about Tamlen?”  
  
Duncan Warden stops in his tracks, turns around, looks me in the eyes and says with he’s warm kind voice that has a harsh undertone: “There’s nothing you can do.”  
  
He’s words hurt. He’s words may be wrong. I feel like yelling at him that he could be frigging wrong. “I’m still alive! He could be too.”  
  
He keeps he’s calm but I get the distinct feeling that he would want to grab me by the shoulders and shake me. Well it’s what I’d feel like. This IS what I feel like. “Let me be clear: There is nothing you can do for him. He’s been tainted for three days now, unaided. Through your Keeper’s healing arts and your own willpower, you did not die. But Tamlen has no chance. Trust me when I say that he is gone. Now we should return. “Again saying that he is gone. They all are saying that he is gone! They want me to believe them and fall down on my knees crying because they are right. Well I’m not going to do that because they can’t be right!  
  
I almost hiss through my teeth but struggle not to. “Won’t there at least be a body?”  
  
“The darkspawn would have taken it.” There is so much severity in the room you could cut it with a knife.  
  
And Fenarel just breaks the severity, cuts it by establishing a question I could not have brought myself to ask “Why would they take his body? Not to… eat it, I hope…”  
  
Duncan Warden turns he’s gaze of me, towards Fen “Darkspawn are evil creatures, and it is best to leave it at that. I’m sorry.”  
  
I feel myself being on the edge of breaking, but still resisting, still trying to fight his opinion “I’m no ready to give up the search just yet!”  
  
He sighs. Did he truly see now how stubborn I can be? “If you prefer, I can wait outside while you look around. But I assure you, he will not be here. I suggest, however, leaving sooner rather than later. You are sick, whether you feel it or not, and it does you no good to linger.”  
  
“I just need to look around to make sure.”  
  
“As you wish. I will see you at the camp”  
  
I realize how ungrateful and rude I was to a person who saved my life but. I’m such a brat but still I can’t give up so easily on Tam-Tam. “I didn’t want to insult you sir Grey Warden but I need to make sure, I need to search for Tamlen.”  
  
“I understand. I’ll be waiting for you in the camp.”  
  
“Thank you, truly.”  
  
The Grey Warden Duncan nods and walks out of the room.  
  
I look at Merrill and Fenarel, they are just standing there. “Let’s split up and comb through this place. We need to be absolutely sure.”  
  
Fen nods. “It’s a good idea to look around some more, we can never know.”  
  
Merrill smiles a fake smile, but I don’t care. “I agree. I will look through his room with the mirror.”  
  
We all split up and look through every hall, every room every nook and cranny of the ruin, but there are just some corpses and disabled traps and spider webs, lots of spider webs, but no sign of Tam-Tam. I run through the places I’ve searched. With every step I take and don’t see him I feel more like my heart is in my throat, wanting to jump out. I’ve passed both Merrill and Fenarel a few times in my search and I’ve seen the looks on their faces. They have no hope, they pity me. They don’t believe he is here. They are on the same side as the Duncan Warden. But I can’t give up. I have to find him. It is just a matter of looking hard enough. Hard enough to find him no matter in what state… even…even if he’s gone.  
  
This must be at least the third time I’ve gone through the rooms of the ruin. Third time not finding him…anywhere. Where could he be? There isn’t even a body; there should at least be a body!  
  
I drop to my knees and begin sobbing “This can’t be. Tam-Tam where are you? You should be here. We should be happily together making plans for the future. Please just come out. Please just walk out of someplace and all will be back to normal. Please…”  
  
I feel a hand on my shoulder “Nel, we’ve looked everywhere several times. Tamlen is not here.”  
  
I look up to stare into her eyes because there should always be hope and I want to see that there is hope in her eyes. “You can’t give up, he might be alive here, he might be hiding very well.” I’m wrong her eyes are like hopeless emeralds, that are a little bloodshot. She has been crying too. She has given up but is trying to be strong.  
  
Even her voice is on the edge of being broken. She doesn’t believe we will find him. Mer is trying to be strong for me because I need her. “Nelora are listening to yourself? Would he truly hide from us? From you?” I open my moth to object but no words come out and I begin to cry again.  
  
Merrill hugs me “There, there, just cry it all out.” I can hear her beginning to sob too. This is a sad day.  
  
****  
  
After a big sob fest in the ruins we walk back to the camp. Many of the hunters who were on search have made it back too.  
  
Now what I have to do is to beg Hahren Paivel to do a funeral ceremony for my Tam-Tam. It just isn’t fair. Right when I found out that I… we are going to have a child Tam goes missing and is presumably dead. It is like a bad dream. It has to be a bad dream that I’ll wake up from.  
  
I’m at the campfire near Hahren Paivel I look at him but can’t speak.  
  
He asks me “Any news of Tamlen?”  
  
I shake my head.  
  
“So he’s…”  
  
I burst out in tears, tears that I didn’t know I still had, tears I thought were all spilled at the ruins sobbing with my last best friend left, and he hugs me “It isn’t fair, I know. These are petty tricks that the world plays on us… that you have lost the one you love, that I have to sing a funeral song to the one I held in my arms when he was a babe.”  
  
I lay my head on he’s shoulder and ask with my broken voice that is nothing like it was before only a whisper. “Would you arrange a funeral ceremony for him, Hahren?”  
  
He hugs me tighter. “Even though there’s no body we will sing for him.”  
  
I nod and keep crying on he’s shoulder.  
  
After crying on the Hahren’s shoulder for a while I found myself a place by the fire. The other members of the clan the walk by and stare with their pity filled eyes. I don’t need their pity! I just need my Tamlen and he needs me. Finally I decide not to look at the other elves instead I’ll stare at the fire because it has no emotions, it doesn’t judge, it just feeds on wood and gives light and warmth. This is enough for the moment.  
  
****  
  
I’ve stared at the fire for what feels like years when finally Grey Warden Duncan and Keeper are done talking. And Hahren Paivel says that I should go and talk to them.  
  
I drag my heavy carcass up und make my way to Marethary. Duncan is still there too, he waits for me.  
  
I know they were discussing the cure then it means they were discussing me. There’s not much to ask from them at the moment- just one question. “What will happen now?”  
  
Duncan looks at Marethary, she nods. “We’ve come to an arrangement concerning you. My order is in need of help. You are in need of a cure. When I leave, I hope you will join me. You will make an excellent Grey Warden.”  
  
Was that an invitation to become a grey warden? An invitation to leave my clan-my family, the life I’ve known all of my life just to chase some twisted and dark monsters? “No this is nonsense. Could you imagine me as a Grey Warden? This is madness!”  
  
I look at the keeper to confirm that he is kidding, that this is just a bad joke. “This is not madness da’len. Your survival depends on it.”  
  
The Duncan Warden begins explaining the situation; stressing the severity he thinks I’m in. “Darkspawn taint courses through your veins. That you survived at all is remarkable. But eventually the taint will sicken and kill you, or worse. The Grey Wardens can prevent that, but it means joining us.”  
  
The keeper knows me, knows how reluctant and stubborn I can be and because of that even she pushes the issue. “This is the only way for the two of you to get better.”  
  
Still all of it sounds ridiculous. One has to become a Grey Warden just to be cured of some scary monster disease. Geeze their prices are high. “Couldn’t you just give us a recipe of the cure and then we’ll mix it up ourselves? And wait two of us? Does he know?”  
  
“Yes, I’m aware of your situation and for giving you the cure- suffice it to say it isn’t that simple. The cure is only found by joining the Grey Wardens. As sole protectors from the darkspawn we are granted some… immunity to the taint. But this is no charity. We enlist only the worthy, you have proven yourself. Should you join, it is unlikely that you’ll ever be able to return here. ”  
  
He is still pushing, still trying to make me change my mind. I look at the Keeper, surely she is the voice of reason in this. “Is the clan sending me away?”  
  
She stares me down without really staring, it is strange but the Keeper has always been like that always had that skill. She does that when lecturing or convincing people. “A great army of darkspawn gathers in the south. A new Blight threatens the land. We cannot outrun this storm. Long ago the Dalish agreed to aid the Grey Wardens against a Blight, should that day arrive. We must honor that agreement.” She too is trying to convince me that the Warden’s solution is what should be done.  
  
Panic settles in my gut. The emotion creates a hard knot of fear and panic that wants to make me cry. “Wait you can’t do this. You can’t just send me away keeper. I belong here. I won’t go!”  
  
She takes a firm hold of my shoulders and stares right into my eyes, so deep that it feels like she could see my soul, if she wanted to. “Listen to me Dalen. We must honor that agreement that was made. It still breaks my heart to send you away. As it would to see you die slowly with this sickness. This is your duty and your salvation.”  
  
I meet her stare and beg with tears welling up in my eyes. “Please don’t cast me away!”  
  
She hugs me tightly and steps away. “I am sorry, da’len.”  
  
Duncan clears he’s throat. “Very well you leave me no choice. I hereby invoke the right of conscription.”  
  
I look at the Keeper, is she truly letting him take me away? “And I witness and acknowledge your invocation, Duncan of the Grey Wardens.” Her words sting like a thousand bees in my heart.  
  
The Duncan warden looks apologetic. “I am sorry that this was not your choice, but the darkspawn threat is too great.” I do not understand this man. He takes me away from my clan, my home forcefully without my consent and then he is sorry about it!  
  
There is still fight left in me even if it is of no use I will give my last to try and stay or go with a big fight, that will do too. “You cannot make me serve against my will. And who in the name of Creators takes a pregnant woman into battle?”.  
  
“It doesn’t matter to darkspawn if you are a woman, a man, old or still a child. Anything and everyone who or what gets in their way will be destroyed. So I will drag you kicking and screaming to Ostagar if I must. Would you rather die here and sicken your own people and kill the child you carry?”  
  
“I understand, but this just isn’t fair.”  
  
“Life is rarely fair. This is the hard truth.”  
  
“I guess you are right. Duncan Warden could you do me one last favor of letting me stay for Tamlen’s funeral ceremony. Then it won’t come to dragging me away to Ostagar while I kick and scream. ”  
  
“We have much ground to cover, but I cannot deny you that. Say your farewells… then we must be off.”  
  
“This is what the creators intended for you, da’len, meet your destiny with our head held up high. No matter where you go you are Dalish. Never forget that. I know you will make your clan proud, da’len. ”  


**Author's Note:**

> This Mahariel has a story to tell before this one. If you are curious to what the story is then check out my "Prologue of the Prologue: Nelora Mahariel". This story continues from the chapter called: "Love Struck Full Belly ".


End file.
